The strengthening and lengthening of the Great Wall helped the people of china by the attacks of the Xiongnu.
Wu Di,known as the "Martial Emperor," is a fierce ruler, has harsh punishments,and is powerful,and famous. In 141 BC he took over the Han Dynasty. Emperor Wu is the tenth child of Emperor Jing, and is born to one of Emperor Jing's favorite concubines in 156 BC. His mother has initially been married once, to a commoner called Jin Wangsun and has a daughter from that marriage.
Wu Di’s plan is to strengthen and lengthen the great wall because the Xiongnu is attacking the Han dynasty way to much so Wu Di wanted to do something about it.
Wu Di said the only way they could do this is by forming a lot of people together and improving the great wall. He also said “this isn’t going to be easy but if we work together we can complete this goal”. The next day when they woke up they started improving the great wall and it took them a while fixing the great wall. One month passed by and they just finished fixing the wall but still no sign of the Xiongnu, it was almost like they were watching Wu Di’s men building the wall. A lot of people died when they were fixing the great wall because it was really cold outside and they were working day and night every single day. Wu Di felt confident making this decision because a lot of people in china agreed with his idea and are tired of getting attacked by the Xiongnu.
The Xiongnu is a confederation of nomadic tribes from central Asia with a ruling class of unknown origin and they were initially a collection of small and insignificant tribes residing in the barren Mongolian highlands.
Improving the great wall was actually a pretty good idea because later on when the Xiongnu tried to attack they couldn’t get in because the wall was longer and stronger. After this event Wu Di is known as a hero of the Han dynasty. The Xiongnu tried so hard to get in but after all they gave up and never interrupted the Han dynasty again.
This is a good start, but needs some changes.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you need to take a strong stance right from the beginning...including in your headline. Your headline should show whether or not you think the work on the Great Wall will or has helped. I say will or has because you also need to decide at what time are you writing this article. You seem to be writing it from the perspective that the work is being done and people don't know whether or not it will help, but then in the last paragraph you fast forward in time and show that it did indeed help. If you keep your first couple paragraphs as they are, then you can't fast forward in time.
There are definitely some wordy and even unnecessary parts of this article. For example, "The next day when they woke up they started improving the great wall and it took them a while fixing the great wall. One month passed by and they just finished fixing the wall but still no sign of the Xiongnu, it was almost like they were watching Wu Di’s men building the wall." really could be reduced to one sentence that shows that throughout the building the workers saw no sign of the Xiongnu.
You also include quite a bit of background details about Wu Di, but I think a better use of your article would be to describe who the Xiongnu are and why they are a threat to Wu Di and the dynasty.